In the early morning hours of Jan. 7, 43-year-old Derrick K.
Miller walked up to a security guard at the entrance to the San
Diego Courthouse, where a family court had recently ruled
against him on overdue child support.
Clutching court papers in one hand, he drew out a gun with
the other. Declaring: "You did this to me," he fatally shot
himself through the skull.
Miller's suicide is symbolic of a frightening global trend:
an alarming rise in male suicides. According to a round of
studies conducted in North America, Europe and Australia, one
reason for the increase may be the discrimination fathers
encounter in family courts, especially the denial of access to
their children.
If a similar rise in female suicides was occurring, a public
crusade would demand a remedy. Yet the extraordinarily high rate
of male suicide is rarely discussed.
What are the statistics? According to a 1999
surgeon
general's report, suicide is the eighth leading cause of death
in America, with men four times more likely to kill themselves
than women.
The prevalence of male suicide is not restricted to North
America. An
Australian
study offered similar statistics. Of
2,683 suicides in Australia in 1998, 2,150 were males, making
suicide the second leading cause of death among 25- to
44-year-old men. The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare
reports
that the suicide rate for men aged 20 to 39 years has
risen by 70 percent over the last two decades.
Statistics
from Ireland and the United Kingdom indicate rates
of male suicide as high as five times that of women. Indeed, a
recent study found that suicide was the leading cause of death
for Irish men between 15-34 years old.
The research also points to a probable cause. According to
sociologist Augustine Kposow of the University of California at
Riverside, divorce and loss of children is a factor. "As far as
the [divorced] man is concerned, he has lost his marriage and
lost his children and that can lead to depression and suicide,"
Kposow advises.
The Australian study's suggested reasons for some of the
suicides include "marriage breakdown."
"There is evidence to suggest that many men sense they are
being discriminated against in family court judgements," the
study says. Cut off from their children, divorced men experience
heightened "frustration and isolation."
Yet, the motivation for male suicide remains a matter for
speculation because little research has focused on the subject.
Telling the stories of such forgotten men has been left
largely to fathers' rights Web sites such as
Dads4Kids.
There you read about Warren Gilbert who died of carbon
monoxide poisoning, clutching a letter from the Child Protective
Service. Or Martin Romanchick — the New York City police officer
who hanged himself after being denied access due to charges
brought by his ex-wife, which the court found to be frivolous.
Or Darrin White, a Canadian who hanged himself after being
denied access because he could not pay child support that was
twice his take-home pay. His 14-year-old daughter wrote a
letter
to the Canadian prime minister in which she pointed to "the
frustration and hopelessness caused in dealing with Canada's
family justice system" as the "biggest factor" in her father's
death.
"I know my father was a good man and a good father. ... He
obviously reached a point where he could see that justice was
beyond his reach and for reasons that only God will know,
decided that taking his life was the only way to end his
suffering," Ashlee White wrote. Ashlee signed the letter "In
Memory of My Loving Father."
Are family court systems deeply biased against fathers? I
believe so. But discussing the matter is almost a taboo. How
prevalent is the silence? When did you last hear a discussion of
whether a "father" should have any voice in abortion? Even
raising the issue draws derisive and dismissive responses. Yet
if men are forced to bear legal responsibility for children,
then it is not absurd to ask whether they should have some
prerogatives as well.
The point here is not how the question should be answered.
The point is that the question should be asked.
Derrick Miller may be a poor choice as a cause celebre for
fathers' rights. His suicide may have been triggered by mental
illness or by drug abuse. Yet Miller is symbolic not merely of
the discrimination against fathers but also of the
discrimination encountered by men's mental health issues.
For example, the National Organization for Women showed no
reluctance in championing the mentally disturbed Andrea Yates
who killed her five children — a much more heinous act. But
Yates is a woman and will be viewed as a de facto "victim" by a
significant portion of society — even in the shadow of her
infants' dead bodies. Conversely, Miller is a man and he carries
one of the greatest social stigmas: deadbeat dad. Thus, even the
dramatic circumstances of his suicide prompted only six
paragraphs in The San Diego Union-Tribune.
The stakes are too high for the media to remain disinclined
to comment. As men's rights activist James R. Hanback Jr.
remarked in an
article
about Miller, "No matter who you are or
where you live, chances are there is a man in your life ... who
has been through some of the pain and anguish associated with
divorce, child custody, or child support battles."
Male suicide must be confronted honestly before America
follows the way of Ireland, before suicide becomes the leading
cause of death in young men. And, perhaps, in a man you know and
love.
