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06/25/2004 Archived Entry: ""

News flash from the Onion - "Coalition: Vast Majority of Iraqis Still Alive!" According to Administrator L. Paul Bremer, "Anyone who's taken a minute and actually looked at the figures can tell you, the vast majority of Iraqis are still alive -- as many as 99 percent. While 10,000 or so Iraqi civilians have been killed, pretty much everyone is not dead." Moreover, "according to U.S. Department of Defense statistics, of the approximately 24 million Iraqis who were not killed, nearly all are not in a military prison." The fast-breaking Onion is also on the cutting edge of interviewing the public about the prospect of private space travel. Like Maryann Lahr who states, "Hey, any idea that involves blasting the wealthiest .01 percent of the population into the cold, lifeless vacuum of space is all right by me." [Note: Satire site]